Skip to main content

Anxiety, self doubts and counselling sessions

 2 weeks into 2024.

Crazy.

Crazy that time flies, and how the first two weeks of this year were marred with negative news - earthquake in Japan, plane crash, tuberculosis cluster, layoffs...

On a personal front, negativity hits again. First week of the year set out ok, I was hyping myself up - new year, new thoughts - good thoughts only.

The second week got me back to old thinking. Anxiety and self doubts are creeping in again. I previously mentioned in my end 2023 review post that company is undergoing restructuring and my job security is unknown.

Closing in to my mid 30s (to think I started this blog in my mid 20s) is scary. I didn't feel like I've grown. As much as my networth increased from $200k in 2016 to $819k in 2023, I surely didn't feel that I've grown better.

As I age, I feel more depressed. I don't know what I am living for. 

For now, work is a key part of my life. And work thoughts consumed most of my time. The current outlook in my company, competition with peers, make me feel lousy. I couldn't sleep well because I kept thinking of the little things that happened at work - how I was perceived, did I show that I'm good enough to be safe from layoff, how I am deemed old and senior already and need to prove my worth and my compensation more etc. There are work politics that makes me feel uneasy.

Age is now my issue. I worry that I can't find another job that pays. I moved out of a managerial role and took on this IC role - I like it because I don't enjoy managing upwards - but I don't know if I can find another IC role that pays. I'm not in a niche job. I know I am getting expensive, and I'm just in my early 30s. 

I tried to stop my thoughts, but new thoughts crop up and by the time I fall into sleep, the alarm rang.

In a bid to save myself, I signed up for counselling. There will be 6 sessions. I just attended session 1 where I shared my fragmented thoughts. There were many pieces bothering me - work, my stagnant life stage, meaning of life etc.

Session 2 starts with therapy. I will be asked what's important in my life - I really don't know. It's going to be the cliche few - parents good health, financial stability, me and my husband good health. Is that all to uncovering the meaning of my life?

I can only wait to see how the subsequent sessions pan out.

How did your first two weeks of 2024 went?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I finally cross $700k networth, after 1 year 4 months

I wondered how I should kickstart this post - should I be positive or negative about this? After 1 year 4 months, I finally crossed $700k in networth - returning back to where I've been at, back in Dec 2021.  I am disappointed.  For the past many years, I've always been growing my networth, at around $100-$150k/year. I had big plans to hit a net worth of $850k by December 2022, but the universe had other plans for me. Instead, I only managed to reach $646k, leaving me with a $204k gap to my target.  Ever since I became more aggressive in my "investment" portfolio in 2021, being sucked by greed to deploy most of my cash into stocks and crypto, I fell heavily, along with the crashes. Crypto wiped out 5 digits savings, so did the stock market.  To be honest, ever since the crashes and a bad hit to my net worth, I actually didn't do anything special to improve. I didn't make drastic spending cuts, I didn't stop my holidays, I didn't continue investing (no

First CPF top up in Jan 2023 and tax relief concerns

Detailing my yearly CPF top-up and thoughts.  This is my 8th year of top-up. 1. Top-up $2.5k to Medisave via Paynow Did a $2,500 top up to my Medisave, bringing it to 2023 MA ceiling of $68,500. Done the same for my husband as well. 2. On hold - To top up $5.5k to SA or no? Contrary to the past where I top-up at the start of the year, I have decided to hold off the top-up. A) Running out of cash Firstly, I'm running out of cash. I'm berating myself for degrading to the past where I look forward to my monthly income for cashflow. So I can build up my $100k capital in savings account again, given the current high interest environment.  B) Hitting FRS soon = no tax relief Secondly, I'm concerned about reaching FRS too soon.  The FRS this year is $198,800. I'm now sitting on ~$157k SA which means $41,800 away from reaching this ceiling.  I know some people encouraged maxing this out ASAP. But, as I've crossed 6 digits annual income, maxing FRS soon meant lower tax relie

Starting 2023 with extra $9,979.20

Happy 2023~! I woke up feeling not very positive. It seems like I've brought forward my 2022 negative thoughts along. I ought to be more optimistic! Anyway, my best way of welcoming the new year is to count the new inflow of $ and here's my CPF interest for 2022: Have you check your CPF interest yet?