2025 - year of healing: physically, mentally, spiritually

I have been feeling stuck for years. 6 years in fact. I felt like I did not live for myself. That I did not love myself enough.

I blame my body for its weakness. I blame my overactive mind for giving me heartaches and tears. 

I didn't give time to heal. I was chasing against time, against my biological clock.

But I missed out taking care of myself.

The pursuit for a child seemed like a blackhole. Only pouring in, with no outcome. I am now stopping this journey. Whether it is a pause or a full stop, I am still uncertain.

But I know I need to live for myself NOW.

Therefore, 2025 is going to be my year of healing. I had this thought nearing the end of 2024 - that I've suffered enough. Sure there were happy moments, but I could not live in the present. 

I wish for reborn.

1. Physical Healing

I've made steps to better my health. 

Due to my frequent indigestions and stomachaches, I've gone for gastroscopy and colonoscopy. Fortunately, the results were not earth shattering. It was found that I've H. pylori infection which answers my stomach issues. I'm now put on triple therapy - taking different types of antibiotics - in hopes to clear the bacteria out. I hate the medicines, but I'm hopeful it will eradicate the bacteria. I will also be refraining from sashimi. For a period of time, it was my favourite. Somehow I just don't love it as much now, possibly my brain telling my gut it's not a good food for me. 

I have been having poor sleep for the longest time. I've went to a sleep doctor but it was not helping. It was a short consultation with bulk of the information shared being what I know. Of course, practicing it is another matter - and I'm trying (e.g no phone by 830pm). He said my poor sleep is psychological and directed me to a clinical psychologist. I was also given melatonin and anti-histamine to aid in my sleep - melatonin did not work. The anti-histamine seemed to have made me drowsy but I woke up with heavy brain fog. The sleep doctor trip felt like a wasted one. I will consider seeking another specialist and aim for 2025 to be the year where I improve my sleep. 

2. Mental Healing

Relating to poor sleep is the many heavy thoughts weighing in my brain. Bulk of it is work related - politics played out by leaders causing me my promotion and increments, and thinking how I should fight for myself. It had caused me many sleepless nights.

I can only try to think less, and practice kindness to myself, in hopes to combat poor sleep.

I will also take time to read more books. Go for walks with my husband. And learn to let go.

3. Spiritual Healing

I'm not a religious person. However, my past experiences has led me to seeking spiritual answers. I prayed to various gods. I prayed for protection, good health, peace and good luck. I was disappointed that some of the signs were not true - I spoke about getting a good divine lot from a temple but good results did not materialise. I can only try to think that whatever I'm experiencing will lead to miracles and greatly positive things to come. 

I read books in hope to search for answers. One book I've started is "What God Said" by Neale Donald Walsch. In that, I resonated to a para that states that there is no one right religion to the way of God. Human create war, revenge because each of us think our religion is the one and only way. However, the book stated that there are multiple paths to God and we should learn to respect every religion. I quote "We are all One. Ours is not a better way, ours is merely another way". This is perhaps why I have not found a one and only religion to pledge to. I go to temples, I go to churches to pray. Both give me different solace - temples visit felt like an effort to make good of my situation, while churches gave me great peace and I love it. The book also mentioned, as long as you have God is your mind, it doesn't matter the venue of worships. 

Therefore, I am kickstarting habits to meditate. In hopes to seek to connect with the divine and seek inner peace. I had interesting observations and it just happened yesterday - I saw colour as I mediate. One was a speck of red light flying upwards and disappeared. Another was patches of violet. I am excited about this discovery and hope I could see more colours soon. 

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As I meditated, one thought crossed my mind. Life is a game. It's a journey. There is a start and there will be an end. I hope to be able to live and let live and savour good moments.