The start after a break

It's 1 Nov tomorrow. After a decent break from work, it's back to the grind. During my break, I had various thoughts:

A) Quit this job
- because I don't know what I'm learning
- there's always so much shit to clear up and my bosses cannot lead
- too much things on my plate and the bosses will always say they are giving me exposure
- don't wish to stay till promotion because it could be at least 2 more years (that's a long time)
- bosses don't communicate and don't give proper directions, leading to wastage of efforts and resources

B) Stay because
- my bosses like/trust me and my performance bonuses show
- I should wait for my promotion
-the economy is bad and I should stay till I get my increment which would at least be $300+
- everywhere else sucks, as said by everyone. Worst still, if I go into a company full of petty, competitive b* who play politics, I'll probably cry my way home.

At the end of it, I chose to stay put. At least till I get my increment. I'm not a risk taker and there are no strong push factor for me to quit. Strong push factors would include me being the centre/arrow-board of office politics, discrimination from bosses, being blacklisted etc. I am pretty grateful that I learnt resilience and grit in this company. The high turnover in my department made me took on a lot more work, which I detested and lamented, but it also stretched me. I guess it was through this that my bosses saw potential that I could take on more, despite being a green horn. I am also grateful that within a span of 3 years, I learnt 3 different portfolios which would look nice on my resume. My worry is whether I'm learning the right stuff, but I guess everyone starts afresh in a new organisation. Resilience, grit and also ability to adapt would be more important.

Back to my point on a start of a new day tomorrow. After spending some time reflecting, I've come up with the following points for me to remember when I strut into the office tomorrow.

1. Improve my body language because TED says so
• I realised I sometimes walk with a slouch. I also shrink my shoulders when I'm in a meeting full of big shots. I don't dare to voice out during such meetings because I tell myself that I'm just a small fry. These actions make me less confident and makes me more vulnerable to attacks. 
• So I'll start to change my posture, walk with confidence, sit confidently.
2. Smile more 
• Many times, I walk into the office with a frown because I feel sad to go to work. Yeah, you can call it the Mon-Thurs blues. Colleagues would ask me why I look so sad, and I'd honestly tell them that I'm sian of work. They'll laugh and agree with me, but I guess I should smile more and be more positive.
• Everyday would be sad if I think so. But, if I smile at the start of the day and psych myself, I think I'll look more alert, approachable and likeable!
3. Meditate if I feel overwhelm
• I'm sure going back to work tomorrow would be overwhelming. The emails are already hitting 300plus and there are so many things to follow up. What's worst is that the officer who is supposed to cover me did nothing, purposely- but I shan't complain about her attitude. 
• If I feel stress, which I mostly do, due to the need to finish tasks on time, I should stand up and take a break at a quiet room. Breathe in and out deeply for 1-3 minutes and get back to battle.
4. Do not rush too much
• I have a kan chiong personality and would always try to finish the tasks given to me ASAP (just so I could go home on time). I also hate wasting time on unproductive stuff (which is aplenty). I need to take a chill pill and not rush myself too much because...
5. Work never ends
• This is true because even if you've completed a task, you've strange instruction from bosses up up and above, to tweak here and there. Most of the times, they make valid points, but it wrath me when a particular boss nitpicks and micromanages so much that colleagues all feel frustrated. Anyway, not going to lament too much about it, because, grumbling never ends too.