Simple Budget, Simple Life

This is a post to myself. I know you're a difficult person to please. You've expectations of everything. You take many things seriously. And, you play again and again in your head, what people said of you and to you. You wish to stop these thoughts from coming. But you can't. Those childhood memories keep flooding to you in your dreams. You dreamt about being looked down upon. You dreamt that you could hear what they were gossiping about, and it was all about you. You wondered how could they bear to say or joke about a kid. You were only a kid, you were only a teenager. What is there to compare about? You got frustrated. Why didn't your parents say anything? How could they allow people to say that you're stupid? How could they not shut them up? Thoughts like these still lingers and you cried. You also dreamt about the lack of parental love. You dreamt that your parents are biased against you. You remembered your mom coming out from the shower and spa

I've dated my partner for close to 5 years. I always joke that I gave him my youth (that's true). 5 years is a long time. I also joked about how if we're fortunate enough, we would already have a baby (好命的话，我的baby可能1岁咯). Unfortunately, we have been sorely unsuccessful in getting a flat. I probably am more anxious than him because I feel like I've an expiry date, and my biological clock is ticking. I know there are some stories of mummies at 40s and 50s, but I'd rather meet my goal of having kids before 30. I used to think I'd get married and have kids at 23. Then it postponed to 25. And then to 26, and then to 28. It got delayed all because we have not secured our own home. I want to start a family soon. But, without a flat to call our own. It's tough. We are not comfortable staying in each others' houses too. In-laws relations, proximity to workplaces and "it's never the same staying in someone else's home, cause it's never as