There's no need to conform to norms
But, I've my shares of impulse purchases. And this purchase which I'm taking about, makes me regret every time I think about/sees it. And, it's not even my money.
My engagement ring
I don't think I've shared this story before, but my partner was kinda pressurized to get a diamond ring for me.
On the spot.
I guess I was feeling frustrated of his inaction, and his NATO style. He is so lepak that if I hadn't got him to pay for the ring, I'm probably still not engaged. (On a side note, there's no point being proposed to early, because we have no plans for marriage yet.) I'll not dwell too much on this but to cut the story short, I chose my diamond ring at a warehouse sale.
Yes, I suck. Just because it was a warehouse sale from a reputable jewellery store (think 50%* off signs plastered around), I assumed that we're paying a cheap price for a decent diamond. It was a 0.4 carat diamond ring, GIA certified with excellent gradings for the 4Cs and D colour at a price I shall not disclose. But, it def less than $4k.
My bf seeing how excited I was, and also thinking that it was a good deal, paid for it.
So, why did I regret this purchase?
1. I should have waited for my partner to do the work
I regret making the decision to buy my own ring because I was afraid that he'll spend too much on an ugly ring. I probably will get judged by you guys for not trusting him in his taste and his money sense :( but it's true. I hate it when he doesn't make his money worth. I told him to do a proposal with a fake ring, and we can then source for a ring together.
If I hadn't brought him to the warehouse, he could have done the research on his own. He'll probably put in more efforts to do the proposal.
But, because of my action, my partner hastily proposed. There was no element of surprise as much as I tried to figure out when he'll propose after he collected the rings himself. Every time we went out, I'd be guessing if he's gonna propose. Please don't judge. Our brains just give us these weird thinkings from all the stories we've read, and videos we've watched.
2. Carats matter. Yes, the size!
I know a lot of guys out there know much more about diamonds than I do. I honestly haven't done much research, and the only research I did was AFTER purchasing the diamonds, checking whether the purchase was worth it or not. Too late. You'll be talking about the depth, the width and what's not and telling others that it doesn't matter even if the 4Cs are excellent.
I agree. But, superficial people doesn't care about how "excellent" your diamond is. All they exclaimed at is the size because, all diamonds sparkle under light. It's just a matter of how bright they sparkle, and who cares or who knows how "excellent" the diamond is, unless you bring out a top-graded diamond to compare?
People tells me that my ring is not big (enough). When colleagues come over to gossip, they'd talk about how BIG the other colleague's new engagement ring is. And I'll sit there, thinking at how superficial they are and looked at my ring. "My diamond very small meh?"
As people my age starts getting proposed to, with the same tool (diamond ring), people starts comparing who diamond is bigger.
It was then that I realised, if the aim is to show off, I should have gotten a bigger carat at the warehouse sale at the same price! Who could tell the difference?
3. There's no need for a diamond ring
Societal norms tell you that girls need to be proposed to with that shiny rock. Societal norms tell guys that you better find a diamond ring for your girl, before you bend on your knees (anyway, who say must bend knees leh? Drama shows lor!)
This is where societal norm made me cave in. This is where fairytales and romantic proposals stories set me up. I just wanted a diamond ring to show off! I wanted to be part of "everyone". I wanted to go "HEY! I ALSO HAVE A DIAMOND RING NOW!"
But, who says I need a diamond on my fourth finger to say that I'm engaged?
I could have gotten a coloured stone with sterling silver at less than $100. Best is to get a big coloured stone and hear people gushing and guessing how expensive it was. Moreover, it's unique and cheaper! (Ya, I love it when I tell people how much I paid for something and they go :O OMG, SO CHEAP - #bargainhunter)
It makes me mad at myself for my stupidity. Why did I waste my partner's money on a piece of rock?
Just because I wanted to be part of the trend.
If you don't believe in following societal norms and keeping up with expectations, there's no need for that shiny rock.
Before you start wagging at me, keep calm. I've shared the above thoughts with my partner. Yes, including the part where I told him I regretted asking him to buy the ring. I also told him frankly that I felt he didn't put much efforts into the proposal. Well, to his defense, he did travel all the way to one part of the island to collect flowers.
After the proposal, things went back to normal. I know people would usually plan for weddings and etc. But since we've no house to our names, and like I said, my partner is NATO and I don't feel the need to stress myself now, we're doing nothing. Meanwhile, I am accumulating my savings for future bombs.
Now, should I get wedding bands?