What's the meaning in my life?
Take a good 5 minutes to read this article.
We all know life is short, life is fragile and life is unpredictable. Who knows if we'll die the following day, just like how Christina Grimme died unfairly. But, we don't live each day having this thought on our mind every single time. Honestly, how is it possible, and how is it healthy if you have that thought...constantly? We'll be so risk averse that we could do nothing. And maybe, doing nothing could lead you to death....
It's early morning on 13 Jun and I'm on leave. On a break from work. I woke up without a aim - no work = a dull day, but work = a strenuous, mentally and physically exhausting day with meetings, spamming and replying of emails, doing extra work (the so called CCAs) that are not relevant to my core portfolio (and I hate it). I'm someone who can't sit still. I could sit still only if my hands and brains are moving - that is, using the internet via phone or computer. Time goes too slowly for me if I've nothing planned out for the day, which is today. That is why I'm sitting in front of my screen, browsing facebook, reading blogs, dreaming of my next holiday vacay on a budget...just to pass time.
And then I came across the above article posted by Minister Tan Chuan Jin which got me thinking about...LIFE. But, my mind is blank. It seems to me that what I envision in my life is a common model like others. I will be working an office job till 62 (maybe?), get married, have kids, watch them grow and get stressed over their futures...and then retire while taking care of grandchildren. Of course, in between, I want to travel to places - yet, I'm not an adventurous person so, no to mountaineering or camping. Don't I sound like an old soul? Don't I sound like I'm living my life so I could nurture my next generation? But, what if I can't procreate?
My next thought is on Work. Today is a day for me to escape work. I am tempted to check my emails and clear them so I've an easier time tomorrow, yet feels lazy and sick of those stupid emails coming through. I'm also sick of the bureaucracies and lengthy kiasu kiasi email submissions sent up to supervisors which gets jammed in their inboxes and I've to send repeated reminders just so I could get an "OK" before the team proceeds with the ops. I'm also sick of the management being indecisive and lacking leadership. But, my work gives me 2 things - 1) salary and benefits for me to live a decent life, 2) in exchange for the salary and benefits, my time and contributions are given to the company which a) keeps me busy the whole day so I don't have time to "anyhow think" and b) gets me motivated and sometimes proud that I'm exchanging my time for greater good.
At the end of my post, I still can't tell you what's the meaning in my life. My thoughts are too convoluted to give an answer.