Wednesday, 17 May 2017

The stress of wedding planning

No no, please don't congratulate me. I've not settled on a wedding date yet, though I hope to soon.

But even before the planning starts, I'm already feeling the stress. Budget is one thing, but for me the worst is the support or lack of.

I'm a person with few friends. I've shared this in my previous entry. I texted a friend about my thoughts of getting married next year, but I didn't get a reply. I was bothered by it for 2 days so I texted back. Busy, she says, ttyl. If I was a third party, I'd had said, forget it. But, I can't. I've too few friends.

I turned to my colleagues about my plans. But it just didn't feel right sharing too much. They don't really want to know much either. "Keep quiet", I told myself, "nobody cares about your wedding since it's yours to begin with".

I turned to my parents. "Up to you lor", "ask the groom's side", "you need to hire a nanny when you give birth" (hinting that they wouldn't want to take care of my baby), "do a simple wedding", "decide on your own".

I really want a simple wedding. Many of us do. But when you think about the number of people you are obliged or "forced" to invite, things will never be simple. I wouldn't mind a simple ROM, but I'd still need support from family and friends.

At last, I turned to my partner. "I'm busy with work", "discuss soon", when is soon I asked. "Weekend". I've been the one sending emails checking for quotes, trawling the web to read reviews and contents from bride-to-bes. But as I read the articles for inspiration, I had mixed feelings. On one hand, the go-getter in me wants to settle some of the simple steps quickly. On the other hand, I'm stopping myself from my "enthusiasm" because it seems like I'm more eager than my partner.

Perhaps it's not the right timing. Perhaps, the house should come first. Or perhaps, I should reflect on myself and my life.

4 comments:

  1. Perhaps u shd not get married. Ur partner doesn't seemed to be interested in getting married with u. U got quite a successful blog, I don't believe u have limited friends. Maybe u can join sdn or some dating websites to know more people and widen ur choice. What's u r going thru seems like a vicious cycle to me.

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  2. From the sound of it, you're better off slowing down on this, and just chill. It should be a 2-person endeavor. Maybe he's too stressed at work or something. Come clean with him, and tell him that if he's not on-board fully, then it's better to hold off.

    BTW nothing wrong with small & cozy wedding. The worse is the really bo-liao wedding dinner. This is usually pressure from parents or in-laws. Yours sounds like they bochap. So if you can get rid of it or down-size, it will really reduce a big headache. I couldn't escape fully, but I limited to less than 20 tables & booked a cheaper smaller 4* hotel. My sibling best --- she got away with a straightforward ROM followed by a private room dinner for about 20 close relatives & friends only. The savings they put into a fantastic honeymoon and down-payment for their flat.

    Weddings should focus on the couple and any guests should be there becoz they have genuine care & concern for the couple. Not simply to hold some generic giant dinner gathering. If a person has 600+ friends who *really* have the wellbeing of the couple at heart then fine, go book a giant ballroom. Otherwise it's meaningless (& expensive & stressful).

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  3. Maybe you should think about whether a wedding is truly necessary? Whether you really need the support of family and friends? Is the wedding or the marriage more important to you? I'm not in your situation, so pardon any insensitive words from me.

    If my friend or sister wanted to go for ROM without a wedding I would totally support them, but that's just me.

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  4. Hi Cherry,

    Personally I'd be jealous of your situation. I've seen people spend (at least to me) ridiculous sums of money for their weddings. It's like they are competing in the Olympics of money burning.

    I think it could be good to work out what are the things that "important people want you to do" and what are the things that "you want to do" and also what are the things that "society expects, but you don't care about".

    Many parents and in laws usually have strict requirements that must be fulfilled (location, ceremonies, guests). Many partners also have a very idealized vision of where, how and what kind of wedding they want. If everyone around you is nonchalant about your wedding, you should be happy knowing that you have no impositions placed on you. You are your own limitation.

    I second owq with the suggestion of just having selected guests at the ROM. Maybe have a small post-party somewhere else like Spur's sister. Weddings do not necessarily have to be big, grand or broadcasted. To my knowledge, there isn't a checklist of people we are obliged to invite to our weddings. Unless your parents, in laws or partner starts going crazy and irrational about certain invites, you really don't need to explain yourself to anyone. "the venue was small", "we wanted to keep the formalities at a minimum, weddings have so little interactions with guests anyway". I could probably come up with a few more excuses if you'd like.

    Anyway, just my personal 2 cents. I wish I could get away with just an ROM ceremony. It's not even about the huge money saved, time saved and stress avoided. It's also about just being happy to do what you want to do, as opposed to do things to please others.

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